Julie’s story
I struggled with not feeling "good enough" around others. I never let it show; it was an inside struggle. I was self-confident, but at the same time I felt like the world was on my shoulders. It was up to me to make ends meet, to succeed, be accepted and so on. I worked hard and tried to be the best I could, staying up late worrying and planning. I drove myself to be stronger. I became bitter towards and jealous of those who had "the perfect life."
As a child I had always accepted the fact that Jesus is God, He is in heaven and He loves us. I believed this, but it didn’t impact my daily life and all of its struggles. I had a difficult childhood. I always knew my mom loved me, but my father was an abusive alcoholic and we struggled through all the problems that came along with his addiction.
I graduated from High School at 17, married at 18 and became pregnant at 19. Before giving birth I worked hard, saved money and studied how to raise a child. I felt it was up to me to make it happen. I was wrong. All wrong!
When I went into labor I kept telling myself, “I’ve got this, I’ve read about this, the next step is meeting my son, then taking him home and …” When the nurses laid that child in my arms, a perfect, defenseless human looking at his Mom, I heard a voice in my head saying, “He is a precious gift I am entrusting to you.” Mary’s story became real to me, and I realized what a gift a child is – straight from Heaven. For the first time in my life, I thought, “I can’t do this.”
I did the only thing I knew to do. I immediately started going to church and subsequently started to grow in my faith. But I kept working hard, really hard. I wanted my son to have every possible opportunity, and of course, thought that it was up to me to make that happen.
By the time he was three, my son had been in the hospital over 12 times with pneumonia. He had difficulty breathing and his lungs were badly damaged. At one point the doctors didn't know what was wrong and the prognosis wasn't good.
One night he was really struggling to breathe. Watching him suffer just broke me. I felt that I had failed to take care of him. I begged God to take the pneumonia from him, and if He chose not to, then to just end his suffering and take him home. I finally understood that relying on my own strength wasn’t enough. For the first time in my life, I surrendered myself and my son to God and said, “Only You can heal him.” I cried so hard I burst blood vessels in my face. I was too shaky to stand and couldn't catch my breath. I fell asleep next to him that night.
The following morning we went to see the specialist again for more tests. When the results came back, they showed that he had allergies ... What? Allergies? Allergies that he would outgrow in a couple of years. At that moment I realized that nothing was up to me – I was not the one in control. How arrogant I had been, how blind, how ignorant ... then like a flood I felt so free, so loved and so protected by the amazing grace of my Father, who had been in control the entire time.
That day I came to know Jesus as my Savior. I had always known Jesus and tried to follow His teachings, but it wasn't until I knew Him as my Father, my Savior, my King and began a relationship with Him that I truly KNEW Him.
Now that I know Jesus, I rest. I am happy - truly happy. I have a peace that is indescribable. I have confidence that I cannot fail because I’m working for His Kingdom, not for myself. I see people and situations completely differently. I am beautiful and alive. I know that my children are heirs to the King and are loved. I tell them to work hard and do their best because God has a plan for them.
My life hasn't been perfect since I came to know Jesus. I've fallen and I’ve fallen hard quite a few times since then. The difference is that now I have peace, strength and wisdom. I know who I am and Whose I am. That alone enables me to get back up.
My family moved to Richmond Hill in November. I was searching for a Christmas play to attend. We heard about the Christmas productions at Compassion Christian and came – and it was incredible! The people were friendly, the performance was professional and it was absolutely enormous. I began learning about the outreach the church has in the Savannah area and overseas. I saw stickers on cars and heard advertisements on the radio.
My husband is a Marine Drill Sargent and was not raised in a Christian home. At some point in his life he turned against church. However, he started attending Compassion Christian with me and truly enjoyed the sermon and the music, and he was amazed by the friendliness of the people. He started listening to sermons on the radio. Now he looks forward to church and talks to everyone about it. It is binding us together as a couple. He doesn't go to church "with" me anymore, now WE go to church. WE read study guides and WE pray for our children. WE are growing together. Thank you Compassion Christian!
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