Kimberly’s Story
I grew up in a family that went to church irregularly. We were typical Christmas and Easter Christians. I was baptized when I was 12 because… well, because that was what you did. But I completely walked away from church and Jesus in January 2003.
On Jan. 4, 2003, my mother, younger sister, 11, and baby brother, 2, were killed in a car accident. On the way home from skiing one night, my father fell asleep at the wheel.
That weekend I had stayed home to work. I was irritated and stressed out after the holidays. The last phone conversation I ever had with my mom was about my bratty sister who was too much of a princess. I can’t even remember saying “I love you.” I just said “Bye” and hung up the phone. At 11:30 p.m. I had a missed call from the Virginia State Police. When I called back, the dispatcher said that she would have someone return my call shortly. Seven minutes later there was a knock on my door. In your worst nightmare you can’t imagine the sinking feeling inside when you open the door. Seeing the fire chief, my best friend and two state troopers told me everything I needed to know.
I had to identify my baby brother’s body. I spent three days at the ICU going from my mother’s bedside to my sister’s and back again. They were clinically brain dead, but I wanted my older brother to be able to say goodbye.
My mother was my best friend. My baby brother was more of a son to me than a brother. My sister was an annoying kid that followed me around and bugged me, but she was still my sister.
This is the stuff that stays deep inside you and torments you. It grabs hold of you and affects every aspect of your life. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to live. To this day I know the only reason I’m still here is because I had a 7-month-old son. I was scheduled to take my paramedic exam and intended to miss it, but some very good friends and teachers dragged me through each portion of the test. I know that I would not be here, let alone be a Critical Care Paramedic/Firefighter, without those people fighting to get me to the test site that day.
For nine years I let the anger and resentment and hate fester inside of me. I refused to see my father after the accident. I hated him; I hated everyone. Those nine years were spent just going through the motions. I was reckless. I would go into buildings that weren't safe; I would pull patients out of cars that weren't stabilized. I didn't care. People would thank me for saving their loved ones and say that God had put me there to help them. I was so horribly lost I didn’t think He had – I just worked hard with lots of determination.
In 2012 I was promoted to Paramedic Supervisor at Fort Stewart EMS. I left an abusive relationship in Virginia and "escaped" to Savannah. On my first weekend in Georgia, I found myself dragging my son to Compassion Christian. I knew that something was missing in my life, and my son needed to have the connection with God that I didn’t. I knew Compassion Christian would be a great place for him to make friends in a new city. Little did I know that I needed it too.
We came to the service early, stopped at Welcome Desk and spoke to some of the nicest and most welcoming people I have ever met. In her 4-inch heels, one lady walked me and my son all the way to The Link on the other side of the lake to get him settled into student programming.
In the service I was nervous. I was scared. My stomach felt queasy and restless. It was different from what I had expected, but in a good way. During Cam’s message, I both laughed and cried. I felt like he was scanning the crowd and looking right at me and speaking directly to me. I came back the next weekend... and the next... and the next. I just couldn't stay away. Then came the big moment. One week Cam spoke about forgiveness, about having those difficult conversations and letting go of the past. I cried for hours when I got home. Then I picked up the phone and called my dad. I said I was sorry for hanging on to the bitterness and that I forgave him, not because he needed it but because I needed to say it out loud.
Things changed for me after that weekend. A few weeks later my son and I went up after the service to get baptized. Now that I know Jesus, I feel a peace and lightness that I never knew was possible.
My problems didn't just disappear into thin air. Every morning I have to wake up and decide to let go and give them to God. I have to keep making that decision throughout the day. I speak to my dad every Sunday. It turns out that I have a new step mom and a one-year-old baby brother, and my father is a pastor at a church in Colorado. Things aren't perfect, but they are better. I have a wonderful, Godly man in my life, who is an amazing role model for my son. For the first time ever I am allowing myself to be treated with the kind of love and respect that God intended for me. At Compassion Christian I serve in a ministry team, attend a Small Group and a Bible study, and am growing in my life with Christ. Some days are good, some days are bad. Some days I just want to scream and cry because of the hurt that built up inside. But instead I open the Bible. I reach into His Word and find comfort.
Every single person I have met at Compassion Christian has been so amazingly compassionate. There is no excuse not to get involved because there are opportunities everywhere. I have found some of the closest connections I could ever have at Compassion Christian. I feel a part of it. It is a living, breathing thing. I walk through the doors and I feel… home.
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